1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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