too bad you live with your parents still
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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