been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
