i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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