Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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