We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
