She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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