watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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