i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
