She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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