Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
