I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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