I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
