I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
