They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
