i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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