It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
