just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
