In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Still dying that you shit outside
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
