i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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