Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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