you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
