Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
