we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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