No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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