Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
