if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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