so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
