I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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