I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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