Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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