can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
