I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize