We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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