You smell like a Billy Joel song
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
