Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
