She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
