Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
