I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
