dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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