butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
