I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
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Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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