I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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