I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
