She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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