I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
