Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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