Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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