uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it was like eating out sand paper
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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