Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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