I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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