I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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