so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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