So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
