I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
