She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
