My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize