Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
