So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
