You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
