I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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