Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
