oh god was she eating orange peels again
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
