I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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