I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
