That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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