I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
