the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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