I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
