umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
