Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
