i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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